Queen Bees & Wannabes

The basic message of Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman (Three Rivers Press; New York; 2002) is that you can't lock up your daughters so you'd better educate yourself about what they might get up to and how to prepare them. It's an extremely useful book for getting clear on the kinds of stuff your daughter faces at school but as you read the teenage testimonials don't be surprised if you feel like locking her up. Has it really come to the point where we need a night table manual on how to handle a daughter's date rape at a high school party? Apparently it has.

Wiseman points out that the ways girls handle relationships at middle and high school age sets the tone for all their relationships thereafter; and that, thanks to the set up, most relationships at this age involve self-betrayal. Without some guidance and thought from the adults in their lives, almost all girls get painted into horrifying corners, she says. Indeed, as you read the book you might see yourself at that age and understand the forces that shaped you.

The first part of the book dissects the make-up of typical cliques and their codes. (This part reads like a girls' version of Lord of the Flies.) It moves on to detail the rites of passage girls (and boys) feel compelled to undertake, and ends with a harrowing section on sex and drugs. Yes, we've probably all been there and as such, there's no excuse for not warning them. There's lots of richly-detailed, realistic advice and how-to sections on talking your daughter through the very real emotional and physical land mines she may encounter. It's very clear from this book that it better be you doing the talking, because there's always someone else far less qualified who will gladly do it if you don't. Bottom line - as girls inherit vast new freedoms, they need very solid instruction in advanced citizenship.

Bee courtesy Dover Publishing