A Parenting Class Can Become The Second Parent

It's tempting for single mothers to steer clear of parenting classes for fear they reinforce the (incorrect) stereotype that they can't keep up. It's also easy to worry that a parenting class or group will be one more emotionally intense experience a single mother can do without. But if you do attend one, you'll probably find out that the other parents can share your struggles and lighten your load.

Another name for a parenting class could be the second parent. It can flush out something difficult you've been struggling with at home, offering up solutions or, equally important, confirm your gut feeling that you are doing the right thing. The weekly or monthly meeting may become an extremely valuable resource - indeed, how often do you have a whole group of people trying to solve your problem of the moment? It can also ease the burden of not having another adult to talk to at home.

Parenting education is great for single mothers because we often "parent out of guilt," over-looking things that should have been dealt with, according to British Columbia Family Support Worker Kim Fagerlund, who also conducts parenting education groups. "You're always over-compensating because you feel bad that the child doesn't have another parent ... I think that a parenting group can illuminate that for you," she adds.

The first sign that you're a good candidate for a parenting class is frustration, Fagerlund says. "I think that our society doesn't support parents. And it definitely doesn't support single parents. Most parents really want to do a good job but when the kids become teenagers they give up because there is no support. People really need help when their kids become teenagers and especially women with boys," she adds.

Each parenting class has its own approach, Fagerlund points out. Choose one that is "in tune with your values and beliefs," she adds. "Read the literature beforehand, phone the person [holding the class] or, if you've read a book by an author you like, look for someone who is teaching that program," she adds. One example of this is the STEP program (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting ) which now has trained instructors across Canada, she says. Another is renowned Canadian psychologist Gordon Neufeld's "The Power To Parent" program. Some groups use a couple of different approaches they feel compliment each other.

You can find out about parenting classes by talking to other parents in your neighbourhood, reviewing community notice boards or asking your school's guidance counsellor, community coordinator or principal. Fagerlund also suggests checking out websites of approaches you admire to see if classes are available near you. "Or go to your community school coordinator and tell them you really like a certain book and see if they can set up something," she adds.

There's more than just education to be gained at a parenting class. "Everyone needs support. [Parenting class] is not just the learning about things. It's the camaraderie, the friendships that develop, the support, the babysitting. That's huge for single parents. You're going to meet other people that have the same needs as you and possibly share resources with them," says Fagerlund.