Taking On The Cinderella Complex

If you are tempted by fantasies of being rescued, The Cinderella Complex by Collette Dowling (Simon & Schuster; New York; 1981) might steer you in a different direction. It's a book about understanding the forces that shape us, and in doing so, lessening their hold.

As a single mother, Dowling held it together, though minimally. As soon as she remarried, she dropped the ball. The book examines this phenomenon, which she calls The Cinderella Complex, and which she was to find, through extensive research, was common amongst women.

Although the book was published in the early 1980's, I don't suspect that much has changed, internally, for Canadian women. Dowling points out that most women are conditioned to trade in independence for the security and comfort of being taken care of in marriage. And it takes a long time to undo hundreds (thousands?!) of years of conditioning. Of course, if you're a single mother you have to get over this thinking fast. And this book will help.

Not meant to be soothing, The Cinderella Complex might bring you closer to something that's hard to face. If you're ready for it, it's an incredibly valuable exercise and an important part of the journey towards wholeness and independence. If you get there, your children will too.

Painting is The Slippers of Cinderella by Aubrey Beardsley; Private Collection